Friday, June 03, 2005

Confession: I AM Drew Sharp

Mitch's column today is full of shit. As always, he's very clever and dramatic. The Pistons actually won, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Douchebag.

See below for the excellent comment to which I will now respond.

I've been outed...I've been outed by somebody who uses the handle "Total-Realty". I am shamed.

Yes, it's me, Drew Sharp. Oh, how I hate Mitch Albom.

PSYCHE! It's actually WOJO!!! You know, Bob Wojnowski--the without a doubt GREATEST sports writer of this or any generation. Suck it, Mitch. You too, Total-Realty.

Okay, let's be serious. Am I a struggling sports columnist? No. I don't even like sports. I just hate Mitch Albom. That's the thing--because I don't like sports, I would have no reason to hate Mitch if he hadn't started writing SHITTY books that could only be admired by Oprah fans.

Fine, I'll come clean. I AM indeed a struggling sports columnist. Fuck.

Don't you just LOVE the idea of a struggling sports columnist? Awesome.

Next, Total-Realty got all P.C. on our asses--leaving open the possibility of me, Morrie, being a man OR a woman. Dude, women don't know ANYTHING about sports--so how could I be a woman? If I were a woman, my blog would be about baking pies. Or it would be about my feelings. Or it would be about the meaning of love and life--oh wait, that's what Mitch Albom writes about. He's quite effeminate, now that I think about it.

Then Total-Realty, who is a struggling real estate agent in Inkster, used the word "butt" when I THINK he meant "but". Common mistake, pal--as a GREAT writer myself, I noticed that.

Anyway, I'm over it. BUT, Total-Realty, I DEFY you to defend Mitch's non-sports writing. While I do believe his sports columns are laced with smagma, it is his non-sports writing that really is embarrassingly bad. Will you stand here and defend "Tuesdays With Morrie" and "The Five People You Will Get Handjobs From"? If so, I will give you the public forum here to do so. But beware, should you fail in your endeavor, you will become the laughing stock of Inktown and you may well never sell a Shacktown duplex again...

Total-Realty said...
I have a feeling that the author of this supposed blog is in all actuality a struggling sports columnist himself (or herself?). It is so sad, to create a blog where you can whine about someone who is actually successful, and meanwhile you toil away writing quickies to the local paper about the local grade-school sports team.

Mitch Albom isn't perfect butt he's the greatest sports writer of his generation. yOu would do well to emulate him rather than attack him if you ever hope to become half as successful as him.

By the way is you're name Drew Sharp?

7:30 PM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank God for your blog. Throughout all the various criticisms of Mitch Albom, one of the most glaring things often gets overlooked: HE'S JUST NOT A VERY GOOD WRITER.

I can understand the public's affection for him, since he is a master of pandering and lowest common denominator BS. He sticks his head out of a hole, sees which way the wind is blowing, and proceeds accordingly.

But it's all those awards that I don't get. The public gets a pass; fellow professionals, people who oughta know better, do not. Didn't Albom win some big sportswriting prize for a bazillion years in a row? What in the world did those people see that I don't? Or, more accurately, how did they NOT see what I DO -- a bunch of sentimental fakery couched in unremarkable, formulaic prose? I thought a big part of "good writing" was about using words in an interesting way.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i agree that he is not a very good writer, but i think he is popular b/c he developed a persona of sorts a while back and sticks with it..he is familiar to many people...lots of other shitty people are popular because of such shallow tactics--andy rooney, dr. phil, larry king....

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I already said that. I know why he's popular.

What I don't understand is why he has been put on a pedestal by people who should know better..... like whoever it is that keeps giving him all the "writing" awards.

12:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In other words, to follow up on your example... Yes, Larry King has a gimmick (like Albom). Yes, he's popular (like Albom). Yes, he is shallow (like Albom.) But he doesn't spend year after year collecting a bunch of professional honors for his hard-hitting interview skills, and Dr. Phil isn't winning the Nobel Prize or whatever for psychology.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous In the Kitchen said...

Since I am a woman, I do not understand most of what you are saying. That may be because as I a woman, I was not allowed to attend school or ever taught to read. In fact, I'm having my pimp type this for me. Either way, the real point is that Mitch Albom is not a good writer. Danielle Steele is a good writer. Why doesn't she win any awards? Is it because she's a woman?

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

he isn't perfect butt! oh.

4:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a talk radio junkie, and listen to Albom's radio show when things get boring on the other local talk shows. I can usually last obnly 15 minutes before turning off Albom's show in complete disgust.

First of all, the man is the most arrogant, pompous, and full-of-himself host of any show I've ever heard. His entire show is about Him and how wonderful He is. It's "All Mitch, All The Time".

Secondly, the man is far too opinionated. He is never luke warm on any issue. When a discussion is raised on his show, you know damn well -- within 30 seconds -- where Mitch's feelings lie. He's NEVER without an opinion.

Thirdly, never call his show with an opinion that differs from his. He will instantly accuse you of being "brainwashed". Then he will insult you and cut you off.

Fourth, when he states his arguments, he goes on, and on, and on, repeating himself endlessly. He can harp on for 20 minutes about just one point in his argument. He'll give example after example after example of each little point that he believes proves him right.

Fifth. He is shrill. He doesn't discuss issues, he yells about them in a frenzy. You can almost hear the spittle drenching the microphone.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

"Hate" is a very strong word, but I certainly do dislike this man. I would be unable to spend just five minutes in his presence. He's an arrogant, conceited, opinionated little prick.

- Buddy

PS - I'm glad I found this Blog. I was thinking of starting one of my own on this little jerk. Keep up the good work.

8:54 AM  

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