Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Pistons = Awesome; Mitch Albom = Teabagger

Seriously, Mitch Albom almost RUINS the joy of the Pistons fucking up mongoloid Shaq and company when he writes such a lame, piss poor column. He dishonors us all. How does this guy win "journalism" awards. Shit, man.

As always, he thinks a refrain or two sprinkled out throughout the column will endear readers. But I don't know anybody who actually would read the whole thing in its entirety. The only people I know who like Mitch Assclown are mentally handicapped (Shaq?).

Anyway, I tried skimming his column today but got violently angry very quickly, and ended up reading The Superficial's take on Russell Crowe rightly kicking some ass. Stupid fucking concierge.

This makes me think a few things. First of all, Russell Crowe should coach the Pistons next year when Larry Brown leaves. Secondly, the Free Press should replace Mitch Albom's journalistic diarrhea and put in more celebrity gossip. There is more obvious talent in one sentence on The Superficial than there is in the HISTORY of Mitch Albom's pointless, sappy drivel.

OH, the most important thing to discuss today is the KICKASS letter (third letter down) to the Freep from some dude named Kyle Given of Birmingham (we'll forgive him for being white and rich). He throws down this quote: "It's not unkind to suggest that Mitch Albom mental-prepping Big Ben for his nose-up with the Diesel was absurd."

Damn right, Kyle. I appreciate your ability to keep it real, but language of a foul variety would've been more effective in expressing your point. Nice work, anyhow. Let's keep up the anti-Mitch letters to the Freep, people.

Shit, I have to go do something (feed the bonobos). But to summarize, Mitch = intolerable teabagger, Russell Crowe = twenty-first century Jesus Christ, Rasheed Wallace = Your Daddy, Shaq = Terri Schiavo without all the tubing.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like reading your blog, but the russell crowe thing makes no sense. even if u are joking about him being cool, i don't get why it's on here. it's still better than mitch's writing, but kind of off the mark. also, careful with the schaivo jokes.

still, thanks for pointing out how awesome 'sheed & co are and how much mitch deserves to be fired.

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanx to the MCR page I've tuned in on yr. deserved dumping of our man Mitch. god he sux. if i had $2 to waste on used copies of Twosdaze with Maurie I could have a whole new source of TP.
i'm not in Detroit so thankfully i don't have to torment myself reading his 'sports' column but your blog had the other bus passengers on the 1 California line wondering what the fuck was the matter with the weirdo cracking up reading his internet print out. don'tstopdon'tstopdon'tstop UNTIL MITCH STOPS! whatsthematter, didn't the 50 billion copies of Morrie sold give Mitchie enough dough? has anybody checked out Morrie's headstone, BTW? it oughta be a marble palace, installed by MITCH.

oh yes, could you mention again the guy's a FUCKIN' SCAB??????

1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


5:54 PM  
Anonymous Eyesaiah said...


10:24 PM  
Anonymous chicago fan said...

'oh yes, could you mention again the guy's a FUCKIN' SCAB??????'

What the hell does that have to do with anything? I don't like Mitch Albom, but who cares what he did during some strike? People make their own choices during those situations, for good reason.

Real life isn't high school, where we're all expected to bow to some goofy peer pressure. 'Solidarity,' my ass. More like 'Hey, please sacrifice your own well-being for the weakest among us.'

What a crock of shit. 1933 was a long time ago. We're smarter than that now. You wanna go on strike? Fine. You don't wanna go on strike? Fine too. Who cares???

And Mitch Albom IS a terrible writer. That's the only real issue here.

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the whole thing about Mitch being a picket-line crossin' SCAB is that it gives the lie to his whole 'sensitive suckass' persona. He walked right by his fellow Freepers for 2 fucking years, pretending he could give a shit about them being sold down the river. He took the pay-off, Windy City, and that sux. Do you even give a shit about anybody else, Ditka-face, or should we just make 'em all into hot dogs and sell 'em at Midway Airport if they can't pass the mustard????

7:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Russell Crowe is a self-righteous asshat. You're blog is funny, but if you really feel this way about Crowe, I've got to take away some style points. Stick with disecting Mitch and you'll do just fine.

9:46 AM  

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