Thursday, June 09, 2005

Fun Facts About Mitch Albom

#1 His column today will get your gastric juices flowing. It's truly awful--the motif this time is the use of the hackneyed sports expression "X vs. the world." There are the usual amount of sentence fragments (more than twenty), crap pop-culture references, a RIDICULOUS amount of rhetorical questions (twelve, by my count), and plenty of cute (possibly racist) references to the international melting pot that is the San Antonio Spurs. You're fucking hilarious, Mitch, especially the shit about Beano (thinly veiled fart jokes about a Slovenian basketball player named Beno Udrih). Really clever, pal.

#2 He is such an excellent writer that he wants to teach YOU how to write like him. Truly fascinating insights.

#3 Remember all of those creepy similarities between Lincoln and Kennedy? Well, there are also a surprisingly large number of similarities between Richard Nixon and Mitch Albom as pointed out by Edward Champion. Perhaps it shouldn't be TOO surprising, since both suffer from ethical troubles and both made piss-poor attempts at apologizing. For those of you who haven't read Albom's apologies for his shittiness, do check it out--an uncanny similarity to Nixon's "Checkers" speech. Contrite much? Yeah, no.

#4 We all know Mitch sucks at writing and at life, but did you know he also is a shitty songwriter/lyricist? As reported on

An accomplished songwriter and lyricist, MITCH ALBOM wrote the song "Cookin' For Two" for a television movie directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger that aired in the mid-1990's.

Wow. I have NOTHING to say about that one.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please tell me youre joking about him making up a song...

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tHe pee-stones lost tonight, can't wait to read albom's column in the morning!

11:32 PM  
Anonymous AJS said...

I have always hated Mitch Albom. It amazes me how many people are fooled into thinking his writing is worth even an iota of attention when it is the paragon of banality. Thank you for being real.

6:05 PM  

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