Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Hey, Mitch--maybe it's YOU who should retire!

What a fucking asshole. Once again, Mitch Albom is needlessly encouraging somebody to retire, and I can detect a faint sense of malice in his tone. Mitch was very quick and oddly passionate in his persuasive efforts to force Larry Brown to leave town, and now he's acting likewise regarding poor Jiri Fischer.

I suppose the ONLY thing it could be is that he wants SO much of the spotlight that he will use his bully pulpit to drive anybody--no matter how mediocre his or her popularity may be, no matter how small his or her threat to Mitch's celebrity may be--out of Detroit and out of the circles of fame.

Mitch--the brilliant writer/philosopher/physician/poet/theologian that he is(n't)--used his column today to TELL Jiri Fischer that playing hockey again would be equivalent to suicide.

I detect ulterior motivations.

Mitch clearly has delusions of grandeur. What qualifications does Mitch DoucheBag possess that legitimate his self-appointed role as doctor, spiritual advisor, and so forth?

Ooooooooooooooh, I'm Mitch Albom--I selfishly befriended an old, dying guy suffering from dementia just before his death so I could use my experience to write a cheesy, lame book that panders to idiots to make a fortune and increase my own celebrity--now I am an expert on dying and death!

I'm positive that Jiri Fischer doesn't give a fuck about what you think, nor does anybody who has attained a fourth-grade or higher reading level.

You just want Jiri out of hockey because you fear that one day he could be more beloved than you. Fuck you for your voice-of-God bullshit.

Because YOU are always so willing to give your unsolicited career/life advice to people, here is a little from me to you: retire. Seriously. You are terrible. You are a joke. You are a parody of a parody of a parody. You fit in the Al Roker category of importance to American popular culture. Nobody likes you (except for idiots). You would NOT be missed if you retired. Leave town. Stop writing. Now.

Nobody asked me, but I personally think Jiri Fischer should keep playing. You know why? Because it sounds like he wants to keep playing.

In fact, I think Vladimir Konstantinov should still be playing. I sort of suspect that Mitch has something to do with Vladdie's unnecessary retirement.


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