Monday, December 12, 2005

Mitch Albom is STILL a terrible writer, and I still hate him (even after all I've been through)

So, I just returned from an emergency five-month trip to the Democratic Republic of Tecala where I was dispatched to help monitor nationwide elections to the Suspensorio Nacional (the lower house of the ass-backwards nation's parliament). Things went well. And when I say "well," what I mean is that my team and I were unable to prevent the corrupt big-city jefes (that's Spanish for bosses) from rigging dozens of large polling sites in favor of the nefarious Partido de Jugo Gástrico (the PJG--a very far-to-the-right political party).

I'm so fucking disappointed. It was bad enough to spend 1/68th of my life in Tecala--a country that smells like a wad of used band-aids--but what really fucking stings is to find out that everything I tried to do for those poor people was for nothing. NOTHING! It is clear what is in store for Tecala: the continuation and expansion of a violent, anarchistic narcoeconomy that is supported by and helps to perpetuate narcoterrorism. For fuck's sake, I have yet to find out if that Peter Bowman guy was ever rescued from those soccer-loving (no, I'm not going to stoop to their level and call them fútbol-loving), coke-snorting, Juan-Valdez-coffee-drinking sons of bitches.

What did I get out of this experience? Jack fucking squat, that's what. The pay, which I spent nearly all of on bootleg DVDs, was terrible. Oh, and those Tecalan bootleg DVDs? Ummm, there's no English language option on them. Now I'm stuck with about 800 titles that are useless to me (and I also didn't realize that they were pirated by Tecalan children sneaking 1980s-technology video cameras into smoke-filled movie theaters).

My point is this: if these are of any use to you, just name your price. I'm serious. Just to give you an idea, I have cool flicks such as: Just Friends, Monster-In-Law, and Stealth. All of these movies look fucking sweet, but no hablo español.

Hey, Tecala....FUCK YOU!

Okay, enough about that. As you know, I don't generally comment on politics, my personal life, or my work. So now I will catch back up on Mitch Albom.

Mitch Albom is a shithead. He just wrote a dreadfully insignificant article about John Lennon. To attempt to lend himself credibility, Albom notes that as a child he dreamt of becoming a musician. Instead, he became the worst writer of both the 20th and 21st centuries--quite a distinction. I can't decide if I'd rather have him be a terrible writer or a terrible musician. All I know is that he is terrible at everything.

I also know FOR A FACT that if John Lennon were alive today, he would write a song called "Mitch Albom is an Asshole, and I Hate Him (And Peace is Good)".

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, fuckwad.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a good idea..I also never write about myself or job..even the fictional job I got this weekend in a fictional country

2:55 PM  
Anonymous Big Daddy Domino said...


If Mitch Albom was a mucisian who would he be?

Kenny G

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't know anything about Albom until I came across this site. Now that I've had a chance to read his "work" I have to say...Morrie, you're way to easy on Albom!! It's up to you Morrie to hound this talentless hack until he quits or is run out of Detroit. We're counting on you Morrie, please don't let us down!!

3:26 PM  

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