Friday, June 03, 2005

URGENT: Dickhead is producing a TV show

This is going to be the WORST TV show ever. It is going to make Walker, Texas Ranger look ingenious.


Mitch Albom has written a one hour drama that CBS hopes to broadcast next fall. The series centers on the media war between a newspaper and a TV station in modern day Philadelphia. The characters deal with the power, stress, and enormous ethical tussles that come with being the keepers of the news - and of course, there is a love triangle - as the series' lead newspaperman is smitten with his old flame, now a TV anchorwoman. Each week will deal with one day in the life of these colorful people.

The lead character will be played by Gil Bellows, the former star of "Ally McBeal." Dreamworks and producer Gary David Goldberg ("Spin City", "Family Ties") are Mitch's partners and will co-produce the project. Stay tuned for more updates on the actual filming.

There is SO much to make fun of about this, especially the "ethics" angle. Goddammit, it's going to be SO non-edgy and lame that I'm almost excited for it. No, I'm excited for the first-season DVD to come out in a few years. I hope Mitch throws down some commentary. Such a renaissance man. Such an asshole.

Oh, and here's the guy playing the lead role (who no doubt is supposed to be like Mitchie):

Confession: I AM Drew Sharp

Mitch's column today is full of shit. As always, he's very clever and dramatic. The Pistons actually won, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Douchebag.

See below for the excellent comment to which I will now respond.

I've been outed...I've been outed by somebody who uses the handle "Total-Realty". I am shamed.

Yes, it's me, Drew Sharp. Oh, how I hate Mitch Albom.

PSYCHE! It's actually WOJO!!! You know, Bob Wojnowski--the without a doubt GREATEST sports writer of this or any generation. Suck it, Mitch. You too, Total-Realty.

Okay, let's be serious. Am I a struggling sports columnist? No. I don't even like sports. I just hate Mitch Albom. That's the thing--because I don't like sports, I would have no reason to hate Mitch if he hadn't started writing SHITTY books that could only be admired by Oprah fans.

Fine, I'll come clean. I AM indeed a struggling sports columnist. Fuck.

Don't you just LOVE the idea of a struggling sports columnist? Awesome.

Next, Total-Realty got all P.C. on our asses--leaving open the possibility of me, Morrie, being a man OR a woman. Dude, women don't know ANYTHING about sports--so how could I be a woman? If I were a woman, my blog would be about baking pies. Or it would be about my feelings. Or it would be about the meaning of love and life--oh wait, that's what Mitch Albom writes about. He's quite effeminate, now that I think about it.

Then Total-Realty, who is a struggling real estate agent in Inkster, used the word "butt" when I THINK he meant "but". Common mistake, pal--as a GREAT writer myself, I noticed that.

Anyway, I'm over it. BUT, Total-Realty, I DEFY you to defend Mitch's non-sports writing. While I do believe his sports columns are laced with smagma, it is his non-sports writing that really is embarrassingly bad. Will you stand here and defend "Tuesdays With Morrie" and "The Five People You Will Get Handjobs From"? If so, I will give you the public forum here to do so. But beware, should you fail in your endeavor, you will become the laughing stock of Inktown and you may well never sell a Shacktown duplex again...

Total-Realty said...
I have a feeling that the author of this supposed blog is in all actuality a struggling sports columnist himself (or herself?). It is so sad, to create a blog where you can whine about someone who is actually successful, and meanwhile you toil away writing quickies to the local paper about the local grade-school sports team.

Mitch Albom isn't perfect butt he's the greatest sports writer of his generation. yOu would do well to emulate him rather than attack him if you ever hope to become half as successful as him.

By the way is you're name Drew Sharp?

7:30 PM