Pistons = Awesome; Mitch Albom = Teabagger

Seriously, Mitch Albom almost RUINS the joy of the Pistons fucking up mongoloid Shaq and company when he writes such a lame, piss poor column. He dishonors us all. How does this guy win "journalism" awards. Shit, man.

As always, he thinks a refrain or two sprinkled out throughout the column will endear readers. But I don't know anybody who actually would read the whole thing in its entirety. The only people I know who like Mitch Assclown are mentally handicapped (Shaq?).

Anyway, I tried skimming his column today but got violently angry very quickly, and ended up reading The Superficial's take on Russell Crowe rightly kicking some ass. Stupid fucking concierge.

This makes me think a few things. First of all, Russell Crowe should coach the Pistons next year when Larry Brown leaves. Secondly, the Free Press should replace Mitch Albom's journalistic diarrhea and put in more celebrity gossip. There is more obvious talent in one sentence on The Superficial than there is in the HISTORY of Mitch Albom's pointless, sappy drivel.

OH, the most important thing to discuss today is the KICKASS letter (third letter down) to the Freep from some dude named Kyle Given of Birmingham (we'll forgive him for being white and rich). He throws down this quote: "It's not unkind to suggest that Mitch Albom mental-prepping Big Ben for his nose-up with the Diesel was absurd."

Damn right, Kyle. I appreciate your ability to keep it real, but language of a foul variety would've been more effective in expressing your point. Nice work, anyhow. Let's keep up the anti-Mitch letters to the Freep, people.

Shit, I have to go do something (feed the bonobos). But to summarize, Mitch = intolerable teabagger, Russell Crowe = twenty-first century Jesus Christ, Rasheed Wallace = Your Daddy, Shaq = Terri Schiavo without all the tubing.